I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
