Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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