The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
