i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
