Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's never too late to be topless.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
