It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
