I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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