i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
