I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
