Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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