I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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