Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
