I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
