Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
