This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
