who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
