today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
