So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
