I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
