if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
