Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
