I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
