Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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