dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize