So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I queefed so loud it echoed.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The uberlube is also flammable
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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