last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
