Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
