I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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