I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
