Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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