he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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