he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
