He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
