Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
