Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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