then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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