and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
