Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize