I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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