If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
