and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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