Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
