I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
