these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
