So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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