Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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