My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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