Your dad touched me again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
