I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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