I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
