i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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