my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
