you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
