i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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