quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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