my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
