she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
