took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
