i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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