Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
