I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
