Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
