You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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