I'm so fucking centered right now
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
