he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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