I CAN MOONWALK!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize