i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize