If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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