with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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