so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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