don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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