She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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