Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
only you would photoshop your dick
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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