This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
