Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
