first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize