Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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