he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
